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Much as I loathe the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon, except for purposes of mockery, given that this is a pop culture blog, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on the release of the official trailer today.

I could go into a whole diatribe about how demeaning the source material is to women, how Christian Grey is less a true dominant than an arrogant, messed up, sadomasochistic control freak from hell … but let’s just talk about the film adaptation, shall we? Or rather, the trailer for the film adaptation, since the “film” (and I use that term loosely) doesn’t come out until February 2015 (Valentine’s Day, to be exact, since what’s more romantic than bondage?).

There is a large segment of the Internet that is upset that Jamie Dornan is playing Christian Grey, but as I see it, there are bigger problems with 50SoG than Dornan. First, it is what looks like a really crappy production (the scene where they’re flying is particularly heinous), and second, and most offensively, someone hired Dakota Johnson to act. I will admit that I’ve never been a fan of Melanie Griffith’s work, with the exception of Working Girl (but the credit for that largely goes to Harrison Ford and Sigourney Weaver), and Johnson is without question her mother’s daughter. Her work in the trailer alone left me cringing. For proof, listen to her line delivery after Dornan tells her that he’s incapable of leaving her alone. “Then don’t.” There’s something so affected about it that it makes me even more aware of the dreck I’m seeing on my screen.

I would argue that Dornan may be the best thing about this travesty … but that’s not based on anything I saw in the trailer. Go watch him in The Fall on Netflix instead. Actually, if Christian Grey morphed into Paul Spector in the Red Room, that might make an interesting movie.


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